Quotes from:
The Conservative Hall of Fame —
Quayle Quotes
(with added commentary)
“I was known as the chief grave robber of my state.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“It’s rural America. It’s where I came from. We always refer to ourselves as real America. Rural America, real America, real, real, America.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“[I will never have] another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy, Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo.”
— Senator Dan Quayle
during the Bentsen debate
(You see, Dan’s actually an experimental government android, and his microcircuits were beginning to short out.)
“Lookit, I’ve done it their way this far and now it’s my turn. I’m my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There’s not going to be any more handler stories because I’m the handler ... I’m Doctor Spin.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
responding to press reports that his aides have to, in effect, “handle” him.
“Target prices? How that works? I know quite a bit about farm policy. I come from Indiana, which is a farm state. Deficiency payments — which are the key — that is what gets money into the farmer’s hands. We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked very closely with my senior colleague, [Indiana Senator] Richard Lugar, making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
during a press conference
on being asked to define the term “target prices.”
Quayle’s press secretary handler then cut the press conference short, after only two minutes and 30 seconds (seeing as how the Vice President’s batteries were running low).
Dan Quayle, time traveller...
“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.”
— Senator Dan Quayle
The New Yorker, p.102
October 10, 1988
“I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“We don’t want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a challenge it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we’re going forward to tomorrow or whether we’re going to go past to the — to the back!”
— Senator Dan Quayle
“The future will be better tomorrow.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
On the Environment...
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
On Geography...
“I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is IN the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
Hawaii, September 1989
“The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
referring to Latin America
And speaking of “that area of the country”...
“We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination of human rights.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
in a moment of accidental candor
“El Salvador is a democracy so it’s not surprising that there are many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a single voice.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
This was said during J. Danforth’s official state visit to the El Salvadoran area of our country where right-wing death-squads trained in the U.S. area of our country (Ft. Benning, Georgia) have made damn sure that all the many voices of “democracy” speak as a single voice.
Especially during visits by the birdbrained Vice President.
“I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
in another moment of accidental candor
during a speech to the Christian Coalition
And speaking of American foreign policy...
“[The U.S. victory in the Gulf war was a] stirring victory for the forces of aggression.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.”
— The Quayle’s 1989 Christmas card.
(But perhaps not quite the beacon of literacy. Or truth.)
“Getting (cruise missiles) more accurate so that we can have precise precision.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
referring to his legislative work dealing with cruise missiles
“Why wouldn’t an enhanced deterrent, a more stable peace, a better prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the first place to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction to defensive capability. I believe that is the route this country will eventually go.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
demonstrating why even liberals prayed
for President Bush’s life to continue —
at least while in office.
“Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP, two countries.
“That’s a statement in and of itself.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“We are ready for any unforseen event that may or may not occur.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
to the people of American Samoa
whose capital, Pago Pago, Quayle pronounces “Pogo Pogo”
“If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
political mastermind
to the Phoenix Republican Forum
March 1990
Further astute observations...
“Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
referring to the collapsed section
of the 880 freeway after
the 1989 San Francisco earthquake
“The loss of life will be irreplaceable.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
after the San Francisco earthquake
“I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy — but that could change.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“I could take this home, Marilyn! This is something teenage boys might find of interest!”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
purchasing a South American Indian Doll
which, when lifted, displays an erection.
Why teenage boys should find this interesting,
rather than teenage girls, Danforth didn’t elaborate.
On “Family Values”...
“I don’t watch it, but I know enough to comment on it.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
condemning the TV show “Murphy Brown”
Las Vegas
May 21, 1992
“Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
“I deserve respect for the things I did not do.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
(Alas, J. Danforth, your wife cannot agree)
On his relationship with George Bush Senior...
“I want to be ‘Robin’ to Bush’s ‘Batman.’”
— hopeful Senator Danny Quayle
who, thankfully, never wore his cape and leotards
to a press conference
“The other day [the President] said: ‘I know you’ve had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility — would you like a puppy?’”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
LA Times
May 21, 1989
“Let me tell you something. As we were walking around in the store, Marilyn and I were just really impressed by all the novelties and the different types of little things that you could get for Christmas. And all the people that would help you, they were dressed up in things that said ‘I believe in Santa Claus.’
“And the only thing that I could think is that I believe in George Bush.”
— Senator Dan Quayle
at a garden center and produce store in Baltimore
from the Los Angeles Times
Douglas Jehl, November 6, 1988
“I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very close, personal, loyal relationship.
“I’m not, as they say, a potted plant in these meetings.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
lying through his teeth
Tampa Tribune-Times
January 7, 1990
“In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get — The Future!”
— Senator Dan Quayle
LA Times
October 19, 1988
(Well, we can’t say we weren’t warned.)
“This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
making threats at a campaign stop in California
Cal State University, Fresno
The Quayle Quarterly
Spring/Summer 1992
On Ethics in Politics...
“I’m glad you asked me that. This gives me the perfect opportunity to talk about the problems with this Congress...”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
J. Danforth was evading a reporter’s questions about his use of Air Force 2 to go on golf trips — at the cost of $26,000 per hour.
To people who (unlike him) actually work for a living...
“You have a part-time job and that’s better than no job at all.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
J. Danforth said this after the manager of a Burger King said the jobs there were part-time, minimum-wage jobs, which didn’t pay enough to live on, and that “It’s hard to find people who want to actually show up for the job.”
On the economy...
“I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning to turn around...”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
campaigning for reelection in Ontario, CA
January 1992
Danforth pointed out a “now hiring” sign in the window of the Burger King to assembled reporters. This, he explained, meant the economy was doing better.
Deep thoughts on his illustrious Senatorial career...
“I feel that this is my first year, that next year is an election year, that the third year is the mid point and that the fourth year is the last chance I’ll have to make a record since the last two years, I’ll be a candidate again.
“Everything I do in those last two years will be posturing for the election. But right now I don’t have to do that.”
— Senator Dan Quayle
1981
“I’m not going to focus on what I have done in the past what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people. The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I have done in the last 12 years in the Congress.”
— Senator Dan Quayle
The varieties of space...
“We are leaders of the world of the space program. We have been the leaders of the world of our... of the space program and we’re not going to continue where we’re going to go, not withstanding the Soviet Union’s demise and collapse — the former Soviet Union — we now have independent republics which used to be called the Soviet Union.
“Space is the next frontier to be explored. And we’re going to explore. Think of all the things we rely upon in space today: communications from... Japan, detection of potential ballistic missile attacks. Ballistic missiles are still here. Other nations do have ballistic missiles. How do you think we were able to detect some of the Scud missiles and things like that?
“Space, reconnaissance, weather, communications — you name it. We use space a lot today.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
who, nevertheless, doesn’t have much use
for the empty space between his ears.
“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
On the finer points of spelling...
“Add one little bit on the end... Think of ‘potato,’ how’s it spelled? You’re right phonetically, but what else...? There ya go... alright!”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
During a spelling bee at an elementary school in Trenton, NJ, a student at first spelled the word “potato” correctly. Vice President Quayle, unable to tolerate such blatant and uncalled-for accuracy, at last persuaded her to change it to “potatoe”.
“I should have caught the mistake on that spelling bee card. But as Mark Twain once said, ‘You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word’.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
Actually, it was Andrew Jackson who said that.
In summation...
“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
— Vice President Dan Quayle
The Voice of Experience
“I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.”
— Vice President J. Danforth Quayle
Related pages
American Fascist Conservatives:
The Exceedingly Strange Case of George W. Bush
American Fascist Conservatives:
Madness Masquerading as “Morality”
Solutions: American Revolution 2 and a Humane Future of International Socialist Democracy
Thomas Jefferson Calling: The Time for Revolution is NOW
by John Kaminski
Bibliography
Market Elections:
How “Democracy” Serves the Rich
by Vince Copeland
Democracy for the Few
by Michael Parenti
Corporate Predators:
The Hunt for Mega-Profits and the Attack on Democracy
by Russell Mokhiber and Robert Weissman
Dying For Growth:
Global Inequality and the Health of the Poor
Edited by Jim Yong Kim, Joyce V. Millen, Alec Irwin and John Gershman
The Fire This Time:
U.S. War Crimes in the Gulf
by Ramsey Clark
Desert Slaughter:
The Imperialist War Against Iraq
by the Workers League
Rogue State:
A Guide to the World’s Only Superpower
by William Blum
What Uncle Sam Really Wants
by Noam Chomsky
Against Empire
by Michael Parenti
The Sword and the Dollar:
Imperialism, Revolution and the Arms Race
by Michael Parenti
Blackshirts and Reds:
Rational Fascism and the Overthrow of Communism
by Michael Parenti
The Mass Psychology of Fascism
by
Wilhelm Reich
1933
The Beast Reawakens
by Martin A. Lee
Killing Hope:
U.S. Military and CIA Interventions Since WWII
by William Blum
Pirates and Emperors, Old and New:
International Terrorism in the Real World
by Noam Chomsky
Western State Terrorism
Alexander George, editor; essays by Noam Chomsky, Edward S. Herman, Gerry O’Sullivan and others
Terrorizing the Neighborhood:
American Foreign Policy in the Post-Cold War Era
by Noam Chomsky
Pressure Drop Press, 1991
Apocalypse 1945:
The Destruction of Dresden
by David Irving
The Culture of Terrorism
by Noam Chomsky
Deadly Deceits:
My 25 years in the CIA
by Ralph W. McGehee
The Hidden Persuaders:
What makes us buy, believe – and even vote – the way we do?
by Vance Packard
The Habits of Highly Deceptive Media:
Decoding Spin and Lies in Mainstream News
by Norman Solomon
Inventing Reality:
The Politics of News Media
by Michael Parenti
Derailing Democracy:
The America the Media Don’t Want You to See
by David McGowan
War, Lies & Videotape:
How media monopoly stifles truth
edited by Lenora Foerstel; multiple authors